What Every Child Needs For Successful Learning

In a previous blog I referred to a video that shows the interaction between a mother and new born baby. The mesmerising thing about the video is that the baby is only two hours old! In just 20 seconds we get to witness the purest form of connection.

What is all this fuss about connection?

Do we really need it?

Can we get by without it?

In life, we all get to experience another person’s projections when they are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated or angry.

Only the other day, I was on my racing bike cycling my way through a highly congested and busy section of town. I had decided to move to the righthand side of the road, so I could overtake the gridlock. I knew this was the correct approach, as I recalled the information from my driving lessons from my teens, when the instructor explained the need for the positioning of the cyclist on the road and how to keep them safe. By cycling on the righthand side when overtaking, the driver can see the cyclist approaching in their righthand mirror, as long as you are a British driver!

As I cycled passed the stationary cars, a man leaned out of his car window and hurled a mouthful of abuse thrusting his finger at me and his fists. I was so shocked that I nearly fell off my bike. He ranted that I was on the wrong side of the road and that I should **** off and ****** well get out of the way! The rant was highly aggressive with the tone and language used and truly unnecessary, let alone unforgiveable. I was literally trembling with shock. There I was in my happy little place, being considerate and minding my own business when I was suddenly pulled into someone else’s misery and angst.

So why would I want to connect with people when you experience this type of abuse?

It is important to remember that there are less people in the world with these values than not, even if the media that enters our space can often make it feel like that is not the case.

Through Colwyn Trevarthen’s work on connection we can grasp the understanding of the development of intersubjectivity. This development happens when we have reciprocal states of mind and mental engagement which helps us gain meaning about relationships.

We all have a need to be part of a community. Mind you, I would have disagreed with this when I was being confronted on my bike! But yes, we all have this need. Studies of early development show the importance of sympathetic human response through rhythm of movement and sound, turn taking, games and songs, which we began to witness in the video clip of the two-hour old baby. It is these types of experience that enable children to discover ways to relate and behave.

Children who do not easily connect can become isolated; by their delayed interaction and speech language skills or are emotionally withdrawn or react defensively to approaches. The experience with the man ranting at me, resulted in me becoming emotionally withdrawn. At first, I felt absolute shame and embarrassment that I had done something wrong and that it was completely my fault, however after some reflection I was able to realise that this was not the case. With years of experience, I have the skills to adapt and rationalise the situation, but what about a child who is less skilled with less experience? You can quickly see why children exposed to these behaviours become withdrawn and defensive.

Being and feeling connected is a right for all.

We need to take care that we communicate socially and not just functionally.

Connection is engaging in truly reciprocal and social interaction with emotional significance.

As I have discussed in a previous blog, connection stimulates oxytocin and calms behaviour. Repeated connection exercises neural connection. The day on my bike certainly did not release oxytocin and it was not an experience I would want to repeat.

Only when children feel safe and connected can they engage in learning.

It is at this point where I would love to show you a video clip that went viral on social media. Hopefully you have seen it before, because it is worth watching again. Look out for the reciprocal interaction and engagement through time, rhythm and turn taking; this illustrates primary intersubjectivity. Here we witness two toddlers interacting in the kitchen. Secondary intersubjectivity is relating through an external object; we see this with the two toddlers in their joint interest and their companionship in the subject matter they are intensely sharing. This is where the two toddlers are experiencing joint pleasure and interest. This is the development of self-consciousness in response to others. Overtime we develop co-operative awareness which then goes to tertiary intersubjectivity.

Look out and see if you can see spot the stages of intersubjectivity. Otherwise just indulge yourself in the pleasure and joy of this interaction — if nothing else it is sure to put a smile on your face. Enjoy.

Watch this video on Youtube