How to Raise a Confident Child

If you use my suggestion in this article, it does come with a ‘health warning’! Using one of my approaches to nurture a confident child brought a great outcome, but it didn’t necessarily go the way I was expecting it.

As your child is growing older it is even more important that you provide a positive role model for your child. We are all a product of our upbringing and early environment. We are conditioned to respond to certain situations and stimuli.

In Victorian times, and in some societies in our modern world, children were expected “to be seen but not heard!” How could that possibly develop a sense of self-worth into a child? They are so valuable to their parents, that the adult would prefer them to pretend they weren’t there! No wonder children brought up in this type of environment lack confidence and belief in themselves.

If as a child, all you hear is your parents moaning and complaining about how hard life is, how difficult EVERYONE else makes their job, how awful the boss is, it is easy to see how the child can become negative about the world in general.

Don’t let them hear you saying you can’t do x, y or z. I know I am definitely guilty of this. When I’m chatting in the car to my husband and I think the children aren’t listening, I start to air my doubts about my capabilities.

Actions speak louder than words, so if there is something you are afraid of doing, why not see if you can beat that fear.

Parents who approach everything in life with a “I can do that” attitude are much more likely to raise confident children.

I know a mother in her forties who wants her children to realise it is never too late to learn. She has challenged herself to re-take her GCSE maths exam. At the age of 16, she did not pass her exam and all these years later she is tapping into her fears and demonstrating to her children that you can beat your fears. I have great admiration for this mother and her children will learn many qualities from witnessing their mother’s journey.

So, try putting on a pair of rose-tinted glasses especially around your children. Make an effort to make positive statements and see the silver lining in all the dark clouds. Give your children the chance to be a positive, well rounded human being and you never know you may enjoy life a little better as well.

If you feel your child could do with a confidence boast and you don’t know where to start, try this activity;

Start be looking at a list of human traits like these: kind, caring, helpful, funny, happy playful, friendly, patient, fair, clever, creative, sporty, strong, brave, confident, talented, fast, hard-working talented, easy-going, curious and honest.

There are many more, but it gives a good starting point. Ask your child to choose three of their best traits.

The goal of this activity is to get a conversation going about themselves in a positive way.

When discussing these with children I tell them these are their superpowers.

Once they have identified three superpowers you can use these next questions to discuss in greater depth, to help them gain a greater awareness of themselves.

Which super power are you most proud of?

When do you use this superpower?

When did you last use this superpower?

Knowing your superpowers helps you to build your confidence.

These types of conversations are great for nurturing a confident child, but are often forgotten or neglected as life becomes busy and hectic.

Give it a go and see what your child has to say about their own traits. It is also interesting when you ask them about different members of the family.

To make this a success you need to refrain from putting forward your strong opinions and judgements about your child’s traits. Listening can often be the hardest skill.

I once said to my son to think of three words that described me. I told him; I didn’t want him to say what he thought I wanted to hear but what he really thought.

I remember being surprised by my own son’s responses. He said my qualities were kind, naggy and happy. As you can probably guess. I wasn’t too keen to be called ‘naggy’, but it gave me a great insight into my son’s perceptions and I was soon able to work on this quality!

I thought I was being helpful and attentive to my fourteen-year-old needs, but to him that was not the case.

After taking his point of view on board, I started to adjust my naggy tendencies. Interestingly, I did notice that my new approach certainly helped our relationship and we did become a lot closer.

If I had carried on with my helpful tendencies or ‘naggy’ ways, I can see it could have resulted in a breakdown in our relationship over time and caused bigger issues.

When children get the chance to recognize their traits or ‘superpowers’ it helps to build their confidence. Give it a go. It would be great to hear what you learnt about your child and possibly yourself.

Good luck.